Research for this work began with the discovery of a photograph from my mother's childhood in the family archive. The photograph (fig. 1) features my mother and her sister, but it is intriguing because their father has been cut out. Further investigation of the archive led me to the next photograph (fig. 2) that seized my attention—an intricately symmetrical family portrait from my parents' wedding. While some might perceive it as an ordinary family portrait, to me, it starkly reveals a void where the father figure should be. This recurring theme persists throughout the substantial material in the family archive, where only a handful of photographs capture moments between my father and me. I carefully selected one that visually encapsulates our relationship—a photograph (fig. 3) of my father feeding me while standing behind, with only his face partially visible.

The discovery of these photographs prompted deep reflection on the absence of a male figure in my life. I've never shared a particularly close relationship with my father, not due to a lack of love, but rather a scarcity of shared moments. As I embarked on this series, I realized there was always a noticeable gap in my life—a gap I attempted to fill in various ways until it nearly cost me my life. Indirect warnings existed over the years, but their gravity eluded me until the warnings manifested directly on my body and soul.

Examining the series of photographs titled "Presence of Absence," I employed a slightly altered visual language. Unlike my previous work, where I used photography to craft sculptural objects conveying emotion, in this project, I articulate emotion through various metaphors derived from my own experiences. I meticulously assembled details in diverse ways, sometimes even adopting a forensic approach. The series not only depicts my relationship with my father but also illustrates how it directly impacted my love life. Through one particular relationship, I exemplify my overarching need for validation and love to fill that lingering void—a theme persisting in all my past relationships.

The fixation on intimacy, touch, and skin finds its roots in their absence during my childhood when they should have been ubiquitous and constant. This series is my interpretation of a generational echo deeply ingrained in my family, which went unnoticed and became normalized until it reached me. It is only with my awareness that this echo came to a halt.

 

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